My new blog emails me when I get a comment.
I know it’s nothing special, but it’s made me aware of my reaction.
There is a split second, before I read it, when the vulnerability of writing is acute –
And then the fear dissipates in the shift to dialogue.
I am beginning to realise that the connections which come from writing are one of the main reasons that I blog. This is a change from when I started, and the emphasis was on telling my story or writing my feelings into sense. There are two interactions, now, that keep me writing: the first happens in exchanging thoughts for words; and the second in watching where the conversation goes. What I was mistaking for the finished thought, is only the starting point –
This has been a revelation, though it might have been obvious to everyone else.
Sometimes there is the click of identification; at other times, an opinion stops me in my tracks; often, the act of sharing generates a special kind of warmth. I am struck by the power of this connection because it has been so painfully under-valued in the past. When the defences are high or the fear of criticism, paralysing, there is less space for opening yourself to what other people think. As I get a little more courageous and stop turning everything inwards, then I am discovering that sharing – and exchanging – and challenging ideas is one of the most exciting experiences we have.
And so, suddenly, I have discovered a hungry curiosity. An appetite for hearing different stories and exploring new ideas and being challenged in what I think. I can see it in how I feel about blogging and commenting; but also in how I am gradually venturing out into the world.
I have always been a little bit scared of people but as I keep forging connections and finding points of identification – or being challenged by the differences – this is starting to change. There is a little intake as you put a bit of yourself out in the world, but it’s amazing to discover where each new “hello” will go