In less than 24 hours, my head has moved into a completely different space.
I was sitting on the bus yesterday when I realised that the feeling of stuckness I’d been sitting with for the past month had shifted, with a single conversation; and the spark of a new relationship opened a doorway that, last week, I couldn’t have foreseen.
I wouldn’t have believed this possible, a few years ago, when I spent months trapped in the same mindset, and was convinced that it was really important to bring life completely within my control.
I missed the resonances and randomness and opportunities, I think, when I only focused on what was already known or could be seen.
And so this is a post on the unknowability of it all.
It’s on what happens when you stop strangling life (as I was doing) and make sure that you’re open to the twists and turns. It’s not about relinquishing responsibility or throwing your hands up because there’s just so much uncertainty out there and you can never quite tell how the combination of people and experiences and events will fall –
It’s just about being aware of the possibilities, and realising how quickly – and surprisingly – things can change.
Because what I am learning is that even when things feel like they’re jammed stuck or you can’t see the way forwards, you can never be sure what will come around the corner and take you by surprise. That life is finely balanced and sometimes, a minute adjustment of the situation can click things into place and make a pretty significant shift. That some combinations work at different times and that life has a way of bringing the ingredients (for lack of a better word) together in quite an unpredictable and awesome way –
It is precarious but also strangely reassuring; a delicate balance between holding onto who you are and where you’re going – whilst remaining open to the randomness of it all and appreciating just how much we can’t predict or foresee.