I write because…

I have six unfinished posts. They are about a range of things. Twitter; dancing; courage; an attempt to work out my three things; Love.

None of them are doing it for me.

The problem, at the moment, is that I can’t quite find my voice.

It is hidden somewhere in sentences which sound right but don’t quite convey the sentiment, or sentiments that I feel but can’t put into words.

I have been working, for the past few months, on the premise that I can write a voice into existence but it does not seem, at the moment, like this will work. It has made me question why it feels so important to be writing and highlighted the rather difficult question of what I want to say.

I have not found an answer for the latter but of the former, I have become increasingly convinced.

I write because it is how I think.

I write because it connects me to people and, in the act of sharing an experience, I feel far less alone.

I write because I want to create something, and words are what I know.

I write to have a voice –

And yet, at the moment, it is off key and squashed by the fear of what would happen should I really speak –

There are a hundred and one things I’d like to write about, if I was not afraid.

And so it’s stalemate. My words are over here – my voice, there – and the purpose, just out of arms reach. I thought, at first, that stopping was the answer but a few things have pushed me the other way –

This post is one of them.

This quote (borrowed from the post), another –

“What people somehow forgot to mention when we were children was that we need to make messes in order to find out who we are and why we are here – and, by extension, what we’re supposed to be writing.” Anne Lamott

And this piece of advice* – “just keep writing otherwise you won’t learn what you like/don’t like” – something I really needed to hear.

If I walk at this point, I am giving up before I have given myself time to get wherever I am going and I am allowing the discomfort to restrict me rather than using it as an opportunity to grow….

And so I am going to keep scratching on. I am going to stop picking to death each sentence and explore whether this creates a space in which I can be a bit more brave. To let go a little and see if I can go beyond the boundaries that I have caged my writing in, and to tolerate the uncertainty –

Because it feels, still, important that I write.

*..from someone who remains a constant source of inspiration.

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7 responses to “I write because…

  1. The old advice is .. if you are a writer.. write.
    I only draw to see a) if I can and b) what will happen. That’s not to say I’m not terrified of failure every time I pick up a pen. But sometimes you have to cut yourself some slack.
    Creativity is a compulsion, not something that can be forced or tamed.
    Just do it dude.
    Whatever you put out there we will love.

    xx

    • It is that fear of failure thing and the post-publish “what if” that seems to be happening at the moment. You’re right: need to keep writing through it. And big thanks for the vote of faith. xx

  2. I’ve been feeling the same sort of way. I have this incredibly strong urge to write, and it builds and builds inside me, and then…. I can’t. I can write in my journal just fine. Anything outside of that stops before it starts and doesn’t feel like my authentic voice in the same way.

    • I have never written a journal but maybe it’s okay for your writing to take place in this outlet at the moment? (maybe I should start a journal instead?!) I think you’re right about the awareness of readers having an impact – and it’s been really important to remind myself that it’s the discussion (agreement/disagreement/other perspective) which also motivates me to write. I guess this is all part of the process…

  3. I write because I write,its as simple as that..
    .Do not be afraid to walk
    where others may get lost
    Do not be afraid to give
    no matter what the cost.

    Do not be afraid to hear
    while others cover ears,
    do not be afraid to face
    your darkest deepest fears,

    Do not be afraid to see
    with eyes that open wide,
    do not be afraid to stay
    while others run and hide.

    Do not be afraid to speak
    when others wont agree ,
    do not be afraid to stand
    when others fall to knees

    Do not whisper your reply
    when others ask your name
    raise your head,take a breath
    and shout the world your name

    © eliza.2010..A little gift for you..Eliza Keating…hope you like it..x

    • Thanks so much for sharing this. This: “Do not be afraid to speak / when others won’t agree” – and “do not whisper your reply” really chimed with me. Really lovely.

  4. It makes me so happy that what you’ve read in that guest post made you keep at it and write more. It’s not always easy, and our mind is capable of convincing us that we should just give up, but our heart and soul are what push us into writing such great thing, posts like this one.
    Love why you’re writing – very similar to my reasons 🙂

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