Hold. On.

I thought I’d lost a bit of myself yesterday. 

I felt the rip, sharp and unexpected, and then a nausea as my centre of gravity was thrown off course. 

At first,  it felt as though the tear was irreparable; and, as the ground shifted, I had that chilling sense that comes from recognising how fundamentally we are alone –

And. 

Then. 

As I shot my arms out to try and re-gain my balance, I discovered that there were hands waiting to hold me steady for a while and I realised that even though we are alone, really, we do not have to do it on our own. 

And so, for a while, I held on. Hold. On. And, whilst I inspected the damage – because there is no point in papering over these experiences – I clung onto the people who were keeping me standing and were waiting, although I had nearly forgotten, to help me back up should I fall –

I did not fall.

I listened, instead, as they stood in for my voice which was wavering and my self belief, which had taken a bit of a hit. I shared, and in the act of sharing, discovered that, whilst we experience things separately, the experience is often not ours alone –

And I realised how incredibly awesome and humbling friendships are. How we come together to hold each other up. How when we wobble, hands shoot out to keep us steady and, should we feel as though we are crumbling, friends help to piece us together again.

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10 responses to “Hold. On.

  1. Hands, scaffolding, flutterbys, and stacks of unwanted advice at the ready.

    You’ll be fine Issa.

    xx

  2. I know 🙂 But also feel very very lucky. xx

  3. Friends are really important and it is easy to forget just how important they can be. For me, friends are now more like family – just the sort of family I get to choose for myself!

    • Yes. I didn’t want to forget. And I was also quite awed – by just how generous people are and how strong the connection felt.

  4. And the coolest part of all? Those connections, right when you need them, strengthen both people. I think people underestimate the importance of accepting love. We’re so focused on the giving, but receiving is the 2nd half of the magic. And when both halves work… Yes, you said it. We’re all very lucky.
    xoxo

    • I hadn’t thought about it like that but you’re totally right. It’s hard to find that kind of balance – and that sometimes it is not taking but accepting, which happens in far more equal friendship and is, I think, where the magic is.

      And yes, it feels like magic. xx

  5. I haven’t posted in a while, but I just wanted to say I have been praying for you everyday.

    • Thanks Katherine! I have been totally awed by how much support and love people have given me. It’s helped turn my life around and I feel incredibly grateful and touched. xx

  6. What j said. 🙂 And I missed this, obviously (and sorry), but I’d have tried to be there if I’d known. That said, I’m glad there were hands to steady you while you found your legs again.

    In climbing, when a lead climber is struggling with a hard move or just having an off day, the belayer will take up a bit of slack. They won’t actually lift the climber – the physics don’t works that way – but usually, just knowing that the rope is there if it’s needed is enough. The climber powers/stumbles through the tough part an the belayer (who never really had to hold a thing) says, “It was all you” just to make it clear.

    Sounds like, looks like, feels like you have a lot of belayers holding onto the rope, so go for it. It’s all you. 😉

  7. I know and thank you. I love this analogy. It’s exactly what I was trying to describe. I’m not sure about the “all me” bit, because the power was in the holding together and how suddenly iron strong that network became…. but, yes, I have some pretty amazing belayers. 🙂

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