It is funny that, despite stopping my 101 things challenge before I hit the target, I have lived the last 6 months as though I was still packing 101 things in. Maybe it took only 40 or so actual challenges for me to discover that “no” is better as a second response than a first, and to realise that I want trying new things to be an intrinsic part of my life rather than a passing fad. To learn that you can suck the fun out of experiences when you add in the word “must” or cram them into a ridiculous timescale, and that ‘writing it up’ can make the whole thing feel like a hassle –
But also keep it imprinted in your mind.
It is this bit that I have been missing lately. This process of sitting down and saying, if I learnt one thing from today, it was that…. If I was here, before, then now, this part of me has moved a tiny bit somewhere else. If I remember one thing….
I know there is a fine line between breaking up an experience and enhancing it. The trick, I guess, is finding out where that lies.
I haven’t been doing that. I moved from manically writing it all down to a silence I have keenly felt and which has made me realise that writing sealed the experience and, that, without it, something feels undone. Life has gone by at such a pace that it has become a blurred streak and I have found it increasingly hard to notice and appreciate the gems. I have also found that, when you don’t pause and relate yourself back to an experience, it is hard not to feel as though you, too, are being swept long.
When I woke up this morning, the words were arranging themselves in my head again. I have always heard my writing before I have put fingers to keyboard, and I guess this means it is the right time to start blogging again. I had forgotten how satisfying the choosing and changing of words feels; and, how the choice can surprise you because you’ve suddenly worked something new out. I had also under-estimated how much I use writing to ground me. How it binds me to experiences and how it is, often, the end or start of what I do.